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Donald Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen has a new book coming out with all kinds of juicy, salacious, and “nobody gives a s***” claims about the President.

The book, suitable for wiping, burning, or beating off violent protesters is entitled “Disloyal, A Memoir.”

Let’s break down the convicted criminal and liar Michael Cohen’s big boy claims in order of “no one on the political right cares” importance:

  1. Who cares?

Well, that about wraps it up.

There was one particularly fun claim from the excerpts of “Disloyal” that were released this week:

“From golden showers in a sex club in Vegas, to tax fraud, to deals with corrupt officials from the former Soviet Union, to catch and kill conspiracies to silence Trump’s clandestine lovers, I wasn’t just a witness to the president’s rise—I was an active and eager participant.”

Now follow us here, ya’ll (liberals, focus REALLY hard):

We don’t care if Trump pees on prostitutes, poops on coffee tables, and wipes with his hand. The Presidency is not about the man himself. The President is a figurehead and a symbol of the Republican party’s principles. He’s there as a symbol to the world that the majority of Americans respect and revere the Constitution of the United States, we want strong borders, law and order, energy independence, fair trade deals, big ass SUVs, guns, low taxes, thriving small businesses across the county, two genders, God taught in school, and for the United States government to stay the “F” out of our business as much as possible.

Thank you for your attention. Enjoy the weekend and listen to more of the Chicks on the Right.