Here’s the thing you need to understand about groundhogs, folks: They’re not meteorologists. They don’t know jack squat about the weather. Want proof? Data from the National Centers for Environmental Information found that since 1969, “Punxsutawney Phil” has only maintained a 40% accuracy rating for his annual “Early Spring or Extended Weather” prediction. 40%! That […]

Pulling your firearm from its holster and shooting multiple rounds at fast-food workers may not result in quicker customer service this holiday season, say experts. “The long-held belief that shooting at people will get your french fries to you a little quicker just doesn’t prove true when looking at actual, hard data,” a long-time drive-thru […]

It’s the 1970s all over again in the era of the Biden administration. Violence in the Middle East? Check. Energy shortages? Check. Double-digit inflation? Check. Shrinkflation? Check. What the heck is shrinkflation? I’ll explain. Shrinkflation is a means of masking rising prices in consumer goods by giving you less product for the same amount of […]

Stop it, Michael. Just stop it! K.I.T.T., we can’t wait any longer. Run him over.

(BSIP/Getty Images) 46 years after the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark ruling in Roe V. Wade, abortion remains one of the most controversial and emotionally charged issues in American politics. It’s also one of the most complicated. Since taking office in early 2017, President Donald Trump has seated 104 judges on the district and circuit courts and […]

The left-wing moral degenerates of cancel culture have a new target: The Chicks on the Right. Actually, left-wing activists have intermittently been after the Chicks for several years. Their modus operandi is to attack, spend a few weeks writing hateful emails, but ultimately, they throw in the towel when they realize that activism requires actual […]

Operation Warp Speed was impressive as heck. We developed a Coronavirus vaccine in less than a year, people – 10 months to be exact. So how can the same country that developed, approved, and began to distribute a life-saving vaccine in under a year not manage to deliver a package that was mailed in Louisville, […]

Is there anything more romantic than two lovers “making out” with their CDC-approved face-diapers still attached to their faces? Yes, there most definitely is. Also, lovers, you look stupid. It was a brisk, relaxing afternoon in the exclusive upscale city of Beech Grove, Indiana when one Jason Hammer and his beloved wife entered their neighborhood […]

(Archive Photos / Getty Images) I’m an angry driver, and advancements in technology have made me an increasingly rageful commuter with each passing year. Driving is one of the few skills for which I had a natural aptitude since birth, and I’m damn good at it. I was proud when I received my license in […]

America has an all-new health crisis to address. It’s called “Pie Guilt,” and it’s not what you think. “Pie Guilt” is a major depressive disorder that results when some greedy, pie-loving glutton helps himself to the last piece of pie at a holiday gathering. You know the scene: Dinner is over. Dessert is over. Everyone […]