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Indiana’s highly-anticipated statewide face-diaper mandate kicks off this Monday, kids!

Esteemed Governor Eric Holcomb announced Wednesday that the negligibly useful masks must be worn by all people ages 8 and older when venturing out in public to conduct business, engage in relaxing night of looting, and/or defecate on Monument Circle while enjoying some freshly prepared crack cocaine.

A crack smoking pow wow on the Circle. Ugh!!

“Mmmm! Love that crack!”

Holcomb, a staunch advocate of masks…

Holcomb with no mask at Brown Co restaurant

…said his order will also require masks in schools for grades 3 and above by students, teachers, and other employees.

Holcomb said a renewed surge in the number of COVID-19 infections and hospitalizations necessitated the mask order – a surge fueled by circumstances that are astonishingly difficult to pinpoint…

Hammer and Nigel break down the details on Holcomb’s mask order and offer perspective in the clip below.

Plus, the Indianapolis 500 blackout has FINALLY been lifted!

PHOTO: On Twitter edited by Abdul-Hakim Shabazz