Attention Wretched Souls of Indianapolis:
You’re invited to what Naptown political insiders are calling the lamest party since Indy Mayor Joe Hogsett’s “Fireworks Free” Fourth of July Celebration!
WHAT: Mayor Hogsett’s Magnificent Masquerade Mandate of Fun
WHEN: July 8, 2020 – Mayor Joe is removed from office and replaced with a public official who retains a functioning frontal lobe.
WHERE: Marion County, Indiana, “Where looters are free from punishment and barbers are punished to the fullest extent of the law. Try our world-famous tenderloins!”
WHY: Because 0.04024% of American citizens have succumbed to a deadly virus for which cloth masks are completely ineffective but totally necessary to provide a false sense of security for the drooling masses.
WHAT TO WEAR: A homemade cloth mask that will trap and collect dangerous airborne contaminants, allowing you to more readily inhale them during future wearings.
PLEASE NOTE: Looters are encouraged to wear comfortable walking shoes. Kevlar vests are optional but strongly encouraged.
Downtown attendees to “Mayor Hogsett’s Magnificent Masquerade Mandate of Fun” are asked to pack a sack lunch due to an unexpected mass exodus of downtown eating establishments and businesses post-riots.
Public transportation will be provided via Indy’s world-infamous Red Line!
Please Note: All Red Line offers subject to Red Line busses actually functioning.
Click below to get more details from WIBC host Tony Katz!
(Photo by Maureen Keating/CQ Roll Call via Getty Images)
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