(Stephen Chernin / Stringer / Getty Images)
America’s favorite ‘get rich quick’ scheme, the ‘Lawsuit Lottery’ is rearing its ugly head again, and it looks like Starbucks is the next potential target for litigation.
Meet Niquel Johnson: 40-year-old male with obviously terrible taste in coffee (Starbucks sucks).
Niquel’s name is Niquel; however, Niquel is a pain in the a** who occasionally goes by his Islamic name, “Aziz.” Some people alternate shoes from day to day. Mr. pain in the a** with terrible taste in coffee (Starbucks sucks) apparently alternates names based on his mood.
“I just feel so ‘Aziz’ today, and Aziz feels like getting himself an overpriced cup of horrendously bad coffee!” (Starbucks sucks)
Or, maybe “Aziz” is an alter ego like “Clark Kent” and “Superman” – only stupid and annoying.
Anyway, Niquel went to get terrible coffee at Starbucks and gave his name as “Aziz.” He was also wearing traditional Middle Eastern clothing at the time, which leads me to conclude the following:
- He was attending a traditional worship service at a Mosque later that day.
- He was performing in a stage production at a local theater later that day.
- He hadn’t done laundry in a while and it was the only clean thing he had to throw on.
- He always wears traditional Middle Eastern clothing on the days he’s feeling a little “Aziz.”
Long story short, Niquel told the barista his name was “Aziz,” the half-wit barista wrote “Isis” on the cup, and now Aziz and Niquel are both pissed and considering legal action.
“I was shocked and angry,” Aziz/Niquel told The Washington Post. “I felt it was discrimination.”
Starbucks, who makes terrible coffee, released the following statement through a spokesman: “After investigating, we don’t believe this was a case of discrimination or profiling. The customer approached and provided the name Aziz. The barista mistakenly spelled it incorrectly. We have connected with Mr. Johnson and apologized for this regrettable mistake.”
Spoiler alert: Niquel and his alter ego Aziz are still pissed.
“I feel like they’re not taking it seriously as it is,” Aziz and/or Niquel told the Post.
The Council on American-Islamic Relations’ (CAIR) Philadelphia chapter is pissed too. They issued a statement last Friday questioning whether the act was “an innocent mistake or a sick joke,” and calling the behavior of Starbucks (who makes terrible coffee) “exceedingly deficient.”
Look, if you enjoy paying high prices for crap coffee at Starbucks, you’re going to get the occasional misspelled name on your cup. It happens. These baristas aren’t spelling bee champs, they’re glorified fast-food workers.
That said, the idea that a barista would write ISIS on a Muslim’s cup and think she wouldn’t face consequences is beyond absurd. Hell, half the employees at Starbucks probably have no idea what ISIS even is.
But yeah, give our buddy “Aziz” a million dollars as his Constitutional rights were obviously violated.
Meanwhile, enjoy a flavorful cup of the Hammer and Nigel show by clicking on the link below.