Listen Live

With more than 10 million cases worldwide and more than half a million deaths, finding a vaccine to successfully innoculate society from COVID-19 has never been more important. Fortunately, there is hope on the horizon.

The National Institutes of Health has officially launched its COVID-19 Prevention Network (CoVPN) to support clinical studies that will test “a variety of investigational vaccines” that are currently in development. The extraordinary speed at which scientists have progressed in readying a potential vaccine for clinical trials is unprecedented, and indeed, there is reason for optimism.

But scientists have hit a potential roadblock that could bring the entire process to a sudden and violent halt, and that barrier is every bit as much a moral issue as it is a practical challenge of science.

The problem, of course, is how laboratories can obtain a suitable number of disposal human test candidates.

In the golden era of vaccine development, scientists would simply grab themselves a couple of filthy chimps from a cage and inject away with reckless abandon to their hearts’ content! Sadly, the federal government vowed to voluntarily phase out its use of chimpanzees in experiments in 2013, and in 2015, they promised to send the last of the surviving research chimpanzees to sanctuaries. And because chimps are an endangered species, you can’t even buy them on the black market as pets anyone.

Putting an end to the proud tradition of chimp research means scientists must look elsewhere for candidates to inject with substances that may or may not result in an instant and agonizing death. People just don’t willfully sign up for that kind of thing anymore.

Single-payer healthcare is at least a democrat administration away from being passed, and thus, the establishment of government death panels is several years out as well.

But experts and perverse thinkers of greatness in the private sector have offered a practical solution – one that is as scientific, socially responsible, and emotionally satisfying as any solution to ANY problem in the era of COVID-19: use prisoners awaiting execution on death row.

Using scumbags who have committed horrendous atrocities against innocent people will rid society of their very existence while benefiting humanity. Plus, it’s fun!

Further, the process of injecting death row inmates with potentially-deadly vaccines could be a financial windfall if done right! A talented and creative producer from Hollywood could easily create several seasons worth of shows that feature prisoners awaiting execution getting shot up with a syringe full of Bill Gates finest chemical cocktails! Throw it up on Netflix! Hell, we’re all stuck at home due to COVID anyway, so you know people would binge-watch the heck out of that crap!

WIBC’s Jason Hammer is taking action on this concept by personally leading the charge to get legal approval for inmate vaccine candidate harvesting. Click below to find out how you can support the cause!

(Getty Images/Choreograph)