China announced Monday it will reintroduce its wildly-popular anal swab test in honor of the upcoming Beijing Winter Olympics.
The highly desirable means of testing for infection of the Coronavirus involves dropping one’s pants and allowing a TSA agent to jam a large saline-soaked cotton swab into your rectum. Once inserted, the swab is rotated and vigorously jostled from side to side.
Chinese newspaper The Beijing News said at least 27 lucky people underwent anal swab tests at an apartment building in Beijing just last week after a 26-year-old woman had caught Omicron.
China eschewed a handful of travelers who called the tests “highly invasive” and said it caused them “psychological distress,” noting that “anal swabs are far more accurate than nasal tests.” #Science.
On a related note, projected attendance levels for the upcoming Beijing Winter Olympics are lower than in years past, but officials deny it has anything to do with “that whole forcibly jamming a cotton swab into your rectum thing.”
Here’s a look at some happy travelers immediately after undergoing this exciting testing procedure:
If traveling to China isn’t in your budget but you would still like to experience the fun of anal swabbing at home, we recommend you view the following instructional video for some helpful tips to maximize your enjoyment:
Happy swabbing from your friends at the Hammer and Nigel show!