We live in a world that constantly bombards us with negative news and doomsday scenarios.
Coronavirus… Inflation… the prospect of Biden running for re-election in 2024.
The challenges our country is facing are no joke. Such realities can do a real number on your mental health.
That’s why experts in the field of psychology say it is absolutely crucial to hit “pause” on the chaos machine from time to time and take time out to enjoy the simple pleasures in life: catching your farts in a jar, for example.
Yes, capturing your essence in mason jars is a wonderful hobby that anyone with a fiber-rich diet can enjoy.
Best of all, jar farting is budget-friendly! No need to spend hundreds of dollars at Hobby Lobby on yarn and other high-tech materials – simply purchase some mason jars, hit the White Castle drive-thru on the way home, remove pants and begin!
Safety Tip: Professional jar farters advise newbies to do some mild stretches prior to a session of bottling your beefers.
Despite endless reams of qualified research supporting the benefits of canning your ‘Essence de Caca,’ some continue to question the science.
Scientists urge doubters to experiment at home rather than dismiss this potentially life-changing form of therapy outright.
And health benefits aren’t the only reason to can your farts, say experts. You should also consider your personal legacy.
A properly sealed canister of flatulence can last up to several years if stored in a dry, cool climate. This allows you to leave something personal behind for your family to remember you by long after you’ve departed from this world.
Just imagine if our nation’s most beloved historical figures had had the foresight to capture their anal aromatics in a jar. Had they done so, perhaps the Smithsonian Institute would have Abraham Lincoln’s bottom breezers on display right next to “Old Glory.”
For those who are eager to learn the proper techniques to employ when capturing your methane in masons, we present the following video:
Take note, ladies: this is what marriage material looks like.
Hammer and Nigel will have more insight on this new form of therapy on today’s program.
