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Dear President Joe Biden:

How are you? We are fine.

It has recently come to our attention that you have a propensity for smelling, rubbing, and generally behaving in a creepy manner with young children.

The most recent incident occurred during your maskless visit to a classroom in New Jersey. The smelling took place more than 36 hours ago, so you’ve probably forgotten the whole thing by now.

Perhaps this helpful video will jog your memory:

As you may or may not be aware, sir, the sniffing of children by anyone other than their parents is generally frowned upon by society. More importantly, however, what the hell?

It is important to note that, unlike produce, children who are no longer in diapers do not need to sniffed in order to gauge their freshness.

Research indicates that this is a repeated pattern of behavior for you, sir.

For example, “Breathe In The Baby!”

“Terrify The Teen!”

“Sniff The Sibling!”

“Lovin’ On The Lad!”

“Kiss The Kiddo!”

Seriously, Mr. President, you need to cut this crap out. We didn’t even include all the shots we have of this stuff. These are just a sampling!

Please cease this behavior immediately.

Many Thanks,

Hammer and Nigel