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Former CNN legal analyst and long-time reporter for The New Yorker Jeffrey Toobin REALLY likes election simulations – so much so, in fact, that it cost him his job.

Toobin was fired by the New Yorker this week following a weeks-long investigation into an October incident in which he inadvertently exposed himself during a Zoom call with his colleagues.

Editor’s Note: The fine people at Zoom should really offer better tutorials for new users.

The alleged incident happened in what Vice described as an “election simulation” with Toobin’s New Yorker colleagues including Jane Mayer, Masha Gessen, Andrew Marantz, Jelani Cobb, Evan Osnos, Sue Halpern, and Dexter Filkins all playing various roles in potential 2020 outcomes.

Editor’s Note: Contact your medical professional if you experience an election lasting longer than two weeks.

According to two sources on the call who spoke to Vice on the condition of anonymity, Toobin was seen masturbating in what was supposed to be a 10-minute “strategy session” along party lines, but that it “seemed like Toobin was on a second video call.”

Toobin later issued an apology for the incident.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends, and co-workers,” Toobin said in his statement. “I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

Editor’s Note: Seriously, Zoom. Maybe a tutorial entitled “How To Avoid Becoming The Next Unintentional Pantless Viral Sensation” would be helpful?

“I am writing to share with you that our investigation regarding Jeffrey Toobin is complete, and as a result, he is no longer affiliated with our company,” Stan Duncan, chief people officer at Condé Nast, which owns the New Yorker, wrote in an email to employees.
“I want to assure everyone that we take workplace matters seriously,” Duncan added. “We are committed to fostering an environment where everyone feels respected and upholds our standards of conduct.”
Editor’s Note: Who gets turned on by election simulations?  Seriously, fellas, when you go to the fertility clinic to make sure all your little “swimmers” are performing their aquatic maneuvers properly, how many of you reach for the copy of Newsweek over the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue?
Hammer and Nigel have more on Jeffrey “Tubes” Toobin getting fired (and perfectly intelligent, adult conversation) in the clip below.
(Photo: Vitalii Kholmohorov/Getty Images)