Fellow Patriots:
We regret to inform you that the expiration date on planet earth is set to expire in the coming months due to the failure of Washington legislators to pass the New Green Deal.
It has also come to our attention that “many people” are actively engaged in a desperate attempt to save Capitalism “before it falls off a cliff.”
An unknown guest speaker at a Black Lives Matter protest that took place in Chicago over the weekend made the good people of the Windy City aware of our impending doom.
The Mayans were right after all – they were just early in their prediction by approximately a decade.
Hug your families tight tonight; it’s been a good ride. And as you’re saying your final “goodbyes,” why not encourage your liberal friends and relatives to listen to the following segment from WIBC’s Tony Katz? There’s no reason their last moments on earth should be happy ones. If we’re going down, let’s go down swinging!
