Sofa Surprise: The Miracle Cure For The Chronic Couch Potato
Ladies, is your beloved husband a giant piece of crap who lacks the personal drive to get off the couch to fetch his own beer, let alone find steady employment?
“Hey, hun, get me some tater chips and a cold one from the fridge,” he says as he slaps you on the ass.
“Yup,” you reply with disdain, shuffling your way to the kitchen as you hear the distinct yet muffled sound of him farting into the cushions.
“That’s it,” you think to yourself. “Tonight’s the night that I mutilate his genitals as he sleeps.”
But what if there was a better way? What if you could terrify your worthless significant other into never going near that couch again? And what if you could indulge your love for God’s creatures at the same time?
The Solution: “Sofa Surprise.”
“Sofa Surprise” is an innovative and organic approach to curing your loser husband of his chronic couch potato syndrome for good!
Simply remove the well-worn, sulfuric-scented cushion from your couch, place a 7-foot long venomous snake upon the sofa’s base, and carefully replace the cushion.
When your hubby returns from his night of drinking with the boys and plops down on the couch, one of two things will occur:
- Your slithery friend will strike at your husband’s legs, leading to his untimely death should you choose to forgo medical attention.
- He’ll discover the snake without injury, soil his pants in terror, and refuse to go near furniture ever again.
Hot Tip: For added effectiveness, utilize two or MORE 7-foot snakes!
A homeowner in San Diego, California was the recent recipient of a “sofa surprise” of a similar nature.
Hammer and substitute Nigel have more on that story in the clip below.
https://omny.fm/shows/hammer-and-nigel-show/damn-nature-you-scary
