A woman in Akron, Ohio last week contacted the Health Department and local police over fears that the meal she had prepared for her family contained a nonessential ingredient: a man’s penis.
According to the Akron Beacon Journal, Lamia Singfield bought a package of smoked TURKEY tails at a nearby Save A Lot supermarket to prepare a pot of nutritious and non-erotic PORK n’ beans.
Singfield was in the middle of a Facebook Live video while preparing the meal when she looked down and was horrified to discover that one particular piece of cooking in her reasonably-priced Faberware crockpot looked surprisingly phallic.
Naturally, Singfield did what any rational person who found a penis in their crockpot would do: she poked at it with a fork.
“It’s got the folds,” Singfield told her fellow Facebook forensic experts. “Upon further investigation, there’s a hole at the tip.”
Then she called the cops.
“I called the police because I examined it and it is what it is,” she said in a second Facebook Live video. “The police came and they examined it, and it is, in fact, a penis. They are calling the medical examiner out here right now, and the coroner, because somebody is missing they stuff. Save A Lot has got some explaining to do.”
The Akron Police did deliver the meat to the Summit County Medical Examiner’s Office, where tests determined that it was pork and DEFINITELY not kosher.
All the same, Save A Lot issued a statement that assured customers that they take “issues of quality” like this one very seriously and they don’t sell severed penises at any of their Akron, Ohio stores.
In fairness to Singfield…
…We see the resemblance.
H&N Pro Tip: Don’t buy discount meat.
Also, check out this edition of “Is This Anything?” from the Hammer and Nigel Show.
Photo: CRIS BOURONCLE/AFP via Getty Images
- NWS: Expect a Rainy Wednesday Across Indiana
- Murder Suspect Kevin Mason Captured
- FOUND: Momo the Monkey on the Loose: Indianapolis’ East Side on High Alert
- Pacers GM: Contract Extension Talks with Buddy Hield Are “At a Halt” But That Doesn’t Mean They’re Done
- Pence: Trump Owes it to the American People to Debate
The Dangers of Brown Friday & How You Can Prepare for the Worst
Police: Woman Killed, Infant Hurt in Head-On Crash with Semi-Truck
Small Plane Crashes Near Shelbyville Airport, Two People Dead
Feds, Rush County Sheriff Search Home In Valerie Tindall's Disappearance
ISP: Truck Driver Killed After Exiting Vehicle
Fishers Marching Band Appears in 2023 Macy's Parade
Fitness Studios Say Holding Company Has Not Paid Employees
Indianapolis Firefighter Among More than 20 Arrested in Child Solicitation Sting