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I don’t know how to write this one without getting in trouble and violating company standards, folks, but here it is: the next Spiderman movie might feature Peter Parker ‘living his truth.’

It all started back in 2013 when Spiderman star Andrew Garfield announced he had spoken with Spider-Man producers about the possibility of making his superhero character a gay man.

Why make Spiderman a gay man? Because Andrew Garfield is a gay man! Do you see what’s happening here?

Well, in the era of ‘woke’ Hollywood, no dream is impossible! 

A smattering of LGBTQ publications report that after seven years, Garfield’s desire to have Spiderman explore his sexual urges could finally come true! 

According to Toweleroad, Sony is developing a live-action version of Into the Spider-Verse, which would unite current Spiderman Tom Holland with his predecessors Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield.

And according to We Got This Covered: “We’re also hearing that Sony is particularly keen on getting Garfield back, as they want to portray his version of the hero as bisexual and give him a boyfriend in the film.”

Said Garfield back in 2013: “What if (Mary Jane) is a dude? Why can’t we discover that Peter is exploring his sexuality?  It’s hardly even groundbreaking!…So why can’t he be gay? Why can’t he be into boys? … I’ve been obsessed with Michael B. Jordan since The Wire. He’s so charismatic and talented. It’d be even better—we’d have interracial bisexuality!”

Said Garfield back in 2015: “I’m excited to get to the point where we don’t have to have this conversation, where we can have a pansexual Spider-Man. The beauty about Spider-Man, for me, is that he’s covered head to toe. That’s why everyone thinks it could be them in that suit. You don’t see skin color. You don’t see sexual orientation. You don’t see how old the person is, gender, the whole thing. I celebrate that. Anyone can be a hero in their own lives. … We’re scared of things that aren’t us. Love is love. Skin is skin. Flesh is flesh. We’re all wrapped in the same thing. I have no preference.”

Can’t Hollywood just leave our beloved childhood superheroes alone? Can’t we just go back to the good old days? Can’t Spiderman just stay in the closet, marry a fat girl for cover, and continue living a lie?

The Chicks on the Right and Producer Rob can take it from here.