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Terror Trigger Warning!
Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders and Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren are leading the horrific gaggle of Democratic candidates for President among likely voters in New Hampshire’s first-in-the-nation Democratic presidential primary.
The polling results as conducted by the fine statisticians of comedy network CNN and the liberal lemmings of the University of New Hampshire break down as follows:
- Socialist with a bad ticker Bernie Sanders: 21{46ff1f14221e6e90aab6104ff16614ca22b12c1f029f774ee196565ca96b3af3}
- Awkward beer drinker and 1/1024th Native American Elizabeth Warren: 18{46ff1f14221e6e90aab6104ff16614ca22b12c1f029f774ee196565ca96b3af3}
- Hair-sniffing connoisseur and invader of personal space Joe Biden: 15{46ff1f14221e6e90aab6104ff16614ca22b12c1f029f774ee196565ca96b3af3}
- Polyglot and awkward fried chicken eater Pete Buttigieg: 10{46ff1f14221e6e90aab6104ff16614ca22b12c1f029f774ee196565ca96b3af3}
- Only rational Democrat left in American politics Tulsi Gabbard: 5{46ff1f14221e6e90aab6104ff16614ca22b12c1f029f774ee196565ca96b3af3}
There are other candidates running too, but they’re not going to win anyway, so who cares about their numbers?
Please note: while Biden’s numbers are in the crapper, he still holds an age with older Democratic voters.
In a related note, a new survey released by the Washington, D.C., nonprofit Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation showed that more than a third of millennials think Communism is bitchin! Even MORE young people are in favor of Socialism. In other words, the country is ultimately doomed to transform into Socialist wasteland at some point in the near future.
Our recommendation: Start smoking and stop wearing your seatbelt. You don’t want to be around when the AOCs of the world take over the country.
Mock and Producer Rob Kendall have more in today’s edition of Speedround.
