(Lars Niki / Stringer)
Stephen Colbert Desire: Help Elizabeth Warren get elected to the Presidency in 2020.
Stephen Colbert Problem: Elizabeth Warren is a lobotomized lemming.
Stephen Colbert Solution: Tell Elizabeth Warren how to sell her disastrous plan to raise taxes on the middle class.
Senator Elizabeth Warren appeared on the pathetically-partisan “Late Show with Stephen Colbert” this week. Did you miss her appearance? Lucky you!
Anyway, Pocahontas appeared on the program as a part of her ongoing campaign to frighten Americans with the possibility of a Warren presidency. During her appearance, the 1/1024th Native American was asked whether she would raise taxes on the middle class if, God forbid, she were to win the White House.
Spoiler Alert: YES!
“You keep being asked in the debates how are you going to pay for it. Are you going to be raising the middle-class taxes?” Colbert asked. “How are you going to pay for it? Are you going to be raising the middle-class taxes?”
“So, here’s how we’re going to do this. Costs are going to go up for the wealthiest Americans, for big corporations,” Warren replied. “And hard-working middle-class families are going to see their costs going down.”
“But will their taxes go up?” Colbert asked again.
Spoiler Alert The Sequel: Yes, yes, yes, and more yes. Also, yes your taxes will go up.
“But here’s the thing,” Warren said.
“But here’s the thing,” Colbert interrupted. “I’ve listened to these answers a few times before and I just want to make a parallel suggestion to you that you might defend the taxes perhaps that you’re not mentioning in your sentence.”
“Isn’t ‘Medicare for All’ like public school?” asked Colbert.
“There might be taxes for it, but you certainly save a lot of money sending your kids to school, and do you want to live in a world where your kids aren’t educated? Do you want to live in a world where your fellow citizens are dying, even if it costs a little bit of money?” Colbert added.
“So I accept your point and I believe in your point,” Warren responded, without truthfully acknowledging that taxes will be raised on the middle class.
And just so we’re all clear, taxes WILL be raised on the middle class, because all that free crap costs a s*** load of money.
“Health care is a basic human right,” continued Warren.
Editor’s Note: No it’s not.
“We fight for basic human rights, and that’s Medicare for All. Everyone gets covered,” the awkward beer drinker added.
Editor’s Note: Yes, and while everyone who is covered is waiting for several months to see a doctor and bleeding out in overcrowded emergency rooms, rich people will be getting immediate treatment at private hospitals and via boutique clinics with top-notch doctors. Yay Socialism!
The Chicks on the Right have more on Colbert’s desperate attempt to help Elizabeth Warren sell bad policies in the clip below. Find something to throw in anger and click to listen!
