(Screen Capture: Fox 13 News Utah)
Who is he? Where does he come from? Is he of our planet or was he sent here from a faraway galaxy to save humanity from second-hand smoke?
These are the questions being asked by the citizens of our planet after footage emerged of an unmasked, non-caped crusader whom the internet has dubbed “The World’s Biggest Asshole.” This brave soul cannot leap tall buildings, moves at a much slower pace than the average Homosapien, and is less powerful than a Thomas the Train windup.
Ah, but “The World’s Biggest Asshole” is not without his own unique superpowers. For with the mere squeeze of the handle on a standard fire extinguisher, this brave and selfless hero can spray smokers in the face with fire-squelching agent propelled by pressurized nitrogen.
H&N Pro Tip: That’s a fancy way of saying “the white, powdery crap that comes out fire extinguishers.
Click the video below to observe this hero in action.
Yes, what a douche.
UPDATE: Government agents have now identified the anti-smoking crusader. According to reports from the Independent, our hero operates a restaurant in Salt Lake City, Utah under the earthly name of “Alex Jamison.”
The defiant smoker in the extraordinary footage is a Mr. Jon Bird.
On the day in question, Bird was volunteering at a nearby arts festival and believed he was permitted to smoke in that part of the street.
This lover of nicotine was next to some outdoor seating for Mr. Jamison’s restaurant. It was there that the showdown between Bird and Jamison took place.
How did mere mortals manage to catch the crafty Mr. Jamison? He proudly outed himself as “Mr. Extinguisher” on social media and stated he was simply defending his customers’ lungs. Extinguisher Man added that contents of the extinguisher were significantly less toxic than Mr. Bird’s second-hand smoke.
Beware and be advised, mortal smokers: “Mr. Extinguisher” AKA “Extinguisher Man” AKA “World’s Biggest Asshole” is coming for you next.
Hammer and Nigel will have more on this important story today from 3pm-7pm on WIBC.
