(Screen Capture: Tenor)
Deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences to Democrats across the country Wednesday amid reports that President Donald Trump did not suffer a heart attack after all.
Yes, we know you took the report from CNN that Orange Man Bad’s ticker gave out on him as Gospel. We understand, sympathize, empathize, and realize that your spirit is broken upon the discovery that the guy who kicked Hillary Clinton’s ass in 2016 isn’t dead after all. Thoughts and prayers!
Take a moment for yourselves and have a good cry. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to recover. You’re going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and live to see history repeat itself all over again in November 2020.
The primary thing to remember is not to isolate yourself. In times like these, you need to reach out for community, rely on your equally-disturbed friends for support, and most importantly, give serious and thoughtful consideration to the possibility of moving to Canada. It’s lovely up there, and you might even learn to speak French!
Some of you might be experiencing suicidal thoughts upon learning that President Trump’s doctor denied in a memo that the President suffered “any chest pain” or “any urgent or acute issues” after his “off the record” visit to Walter Reed National Medical Center, and that’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot lately with all that fresh polling data showing the majority of Americans couldn’t give two ‘Chewbacca chunks’ (that’s code for “turds”) about Adam Schiff’s ongoing crusade to throw Trump out of office.
The economy keeps growing, the stock market keeps hitting all-time highs, and the pool of Democrat candidates running for President in 2020 is so bad that even Hillary Clinton is considering getting up to bat for another ass whooping.
Look, we’re just going to leave this information here for you:
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
No pressure or expectations. You call when you’re ready and someone will be there to help.
Meanwhile, enjoy this emotionally-poignant moment from the Chicks on the Right in which “Mock” and “Daisy” make fun of you.