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Fellow Americans:

It is with deep regret and a heavy heart that we report the following news out of the state of New York, ground zero in the United States’ battle against the COVID-19 pandemic: Governor Andrew Cuomo has pierced nipples.

We recognize that this revelation is upsetting and shocking to many of you, but we simply cannot allow this grim reality to remain hidden from the general public any longer.

The photographic proof of this national scandal is not pretty, America. It is gritty. It is raw. It is not sexy in the least.

Please Note: The following image will be forever seared in your memory. We plead with you to shield your children’s eyes from Governor Andrew Cuomo’s mutilated mammaroni.

Andrew Cuomo's Mutilated Mammaroni.

The shame of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s nipples is America’s shame. May God have mercy on our nation.

Knowledge is our greatest weapon in the fight against normalizing the booby piercing of elected government officials. We desperately urge you to educate yourself and your families by listening to the following segment from the Chicks on the Right.

(Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez / Stringer / Getty Images)