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Okay, we all acknowledge that flying on an airline is no longer the upscale experience that it used to be. Back in the good ole’ days, everyone’s ‘jiggle cheeks’ fit snuggly in ONE seat, flight attendants were called “stewardesses” (and they were smoking hot!), everybody got free peanuts REGARDLESS of allergies, first-class meals were served with actual silverware and legitimate steak knives, fellow travelers actually showered before coming aboard, and the security routine with TSA agents didn’t include a prostate check. 

The good ‘ole days indeed…

Yes, but it’s 2019 now, and 80{a19b272382e43567b93d81f78cecbca1de1bd20e733811fd76565cd2f1d1cf89} of the general public has the manners and hygiene habits of a circus chimp. 

Now, look: I can certainly accept that the average traveler is a little more “big-boned” than they were in years past. I can deal with munching on pretzels mid-flight instead of peanuts. I’ll even embrace TSA agents who are unable to stifle their laughter while viewing the X-rays of my incredibly-undersized genitals after submitting to full “security irradiation.”

Times change and I accept that. But getting sprayed with explosive diarrhea at 30,000 feet by a service animal? That’s where I have to draw the line. 

There’s been an explosion (pardon the pun) of emotional support animals showing up on airplanes, buses, trains, and in restaurants over the last few years. Many of those animals belong to our veterans, and most of them are relatively well-behaved.

But service animals have intestines too, and sometimes those intestines go a little haywire at inconvenient times as evidenced by a recent story in the New York Times of one veteran’s dog who soiled fellow passengers at 30,000 feet. Making matters worse, the veteran who owned the animal refused to apologize. 

Now I don’t know if Emily Post ever covered the topic of “what to do when your dog sprays a group of strangers with diarrhea,” but I’m relatively confident she would recommend that you at least apologize to anyone in the ‘splash zone’ and offer to cover their dry-cleaning bill.

Hammer and Nigel have more details on this important American story in the clip below.