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A man who chose to remain anonymous for some reason says COVID shrank his tinkle-maker.

The distinguished gentleman shared his emotionally-stirring tale during an episode of the How To Do It sexual advice podcast by Slate. Stubby told the host he lost “about an inch and a half” of length from his penis after recovering from COVID.

“It’s apparently due to vascular damage, and my doctors seem to think it’s likely permanent,” said the man, a tinge of suicidal despair in his voice.

Male-Specific Trigger Warning: Disturbing Scientific Data Ahead

A study published in The Lancet medical journal last year looked at over 3,700 people with confirmed or suspected long-term COVID with illness lasting over 28 days.

Among the more than 200 symptoms listed were reports of a “decrease in size of testicles/penis.”

It gets worse.

COVID has been linked to erectile dysfunction, which can also lead to a decrease in the size of your pee pistol.

Turning The Tragedy Of Penis Shrinkage Into A Positive…

Guys, this is an opportunity. When you take your pants down for the first time with a gal, tell her it was much bigger before you caught the virus.

You’re welcome.

Bet you’re wearing your mask now, aren’t you fellas?