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Yes, it’s St. Patty’s Day, you drunken buffoon! But where to go in order to get your drink on? No, bars and restaurants being closed down is no longer an issue, but this IS Indianapolis. Therefore, you have a duty to select an establishment that meets the following criteria:

  1. Has beer – LOTS of it.
  2. Rarely, if ever, frequented by Indianapolis Mayor Joe Hogsett. After all, you are who you hang with, and Indy Mayor Joe is perhaps the biggest boob in the history of the Republic. Why risk it?
  3. Located in an area in which your odds of getting shot to death are below 50%. In other words, avoid the East side of town after dark.
  4. Unlikely to encounter a drunken Rob Kendall sucking down St. Patty’s Long Island Iced Teas and hitting on chicks with his standard pickup line: “Hi, I’m Jason Hammer.”

Even with such strict criteria for choosing an establishment to do your drinking, there are plenty of options available in Indy. We suggest you check out Fitzgeralds on Main, the newest sponsor of the Hammer and Nigel Show. Click below to hear their latest ad!