Author of The Soul of Civility Warns Against Political Debate

STATEWIDE — With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, many people are preparing to sit down with family members who might have radically different views.

Alexandra Hudson, author of “The Soul of Civility,” spoke in an interview with Indy Politics on Wednesday to offer wisdom on navigating these high-stakes holiday dinner conversations, saying that politics feels “everywhere” now.

Hudson says the first step is understanding the different between politeness and civility.

“Politeness is manners, etiquette, technique,” Hudson said. “It’s what we do and what we say, whereas civility is an inner disposition of the heart, the way of seeing as our moral equals worthy of a bare minimum of respect.”

While she believes robust debate is has its place, Hudson cautions against turning the holiday table into an argument. “I will be honest with you. I’m not sure that the Thanksgiving dinner table is one of them.”

To handle difficult interactions, Hudson recommends a technique from her book, which is “unbundling people.” She explained what that means “seeing the thing you don’t like about them… in light of their personhood, remembering all the conversations that you’ve had over the years…” She adds that severing relationships over political disagreements is a “symptom of misplaced meaning… and we’re letting it take precedent over beautiful things, like friendship and family relationship.”