Listen Live

Coronavirus might be making a comeback in the state of Florida, but that doesn’t you can’t enjoy some quality time with the kids at the happiest place on earth!

Walt Disney World is open for business once again! Of course, there are a few new rules that Mickey Mouse has put into effect due to the COVID-19 pandemic:

  1. Park visitors are required to submit to a temperature check prior to entering the park.
  2. Temperature checks via rectal thermometers are not offered at this time (Sorry, Rob Kendall).
  3. Face masks are mandatory AT ALL TIMES – except when eating, swimming, or vomiting after riding “Space Mountain.”
  4. Quit asking us where we keep Walt Disney’s frozen body. It wasn’t funny the first one-trillion times we were asked and it’s not funny now. You’re pissing us off!
  5. No grabbing Cinderella’s ass (This means YOU, Jason Hammer).
  6. No, we won’t air your daily radio show throughout the park (This means YOU, Tony Katz).

Disney officials add that hand-sanitizing stations are located throughout the park and there’s plenty of toilet paper for everyone!

In order to remind park visitors to remain “COVID Compliant,” all guests will be relentlessly subjected to the following song from Hammer & Nigel Records for the duration of their visit: “It’s a Small Germ After All.”

Click below to enjoy.