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Ghislaine Maxwell, alleged dirtbag confidant of formerly-breathing Jeffrey Epstein, is behind bars and awaiting her impending “suicide” in a New York federal prison following her arrest in New Hampshire last week.

“Yes, she is in BOP custody at MDC Brooklyn. We decline to comment further,” the Federal Bureau of Prisons told Fox News Monday. “We anticipate the Clinton family will ‘suicide’ her by week’s end,” they failed to mention.

Maxwell, the daughter of late British media magnate Robert Maxwell, (no relation to the makers of mid-level, moderately-priced, substandard coffee), has been indicted on multiple charges in connection to an alleged sex-trafficking operation that brought underage girls to Epstein’s Manhattan home.

Prosecutors alleged that Maxwell, between 1994-1997, “assisted, facilitated and contributed to Jeffrey Epstein’s abuse of minor girls by, among other things, helping Epstein to recruit, groom and ultimately abuse victims known to Maxwell and Epstein to be under the age of 18.”

They added, “Moreover, in an effort to conceal her crimes, Maxwell repeatedly lied when questioned about her conduct, including in relation to some of the minor victims… when providing testimony under oath in 2016.”

Several of Epstein’s victims have described Maxwell as his chief enabler, recruiting and grooming young girls for abuse.

In summary, Ghislaine Maxwell has three potential options before her at this time – two of them viable:

  1. Make a deal VERY quickly to get out of prison and into a witness protection program.
  2. Get suicided.
  3. Take her chances in court (see #2).

The More You Know: Ghislaine Maxwell has denied wrongdoing and called claims against her “absolute rubbish.”

The accused madam was taken into custody Thursday morning in Bradford, N.H., after purportedly hiding out in Paris, France.

Fun Facts About Fugitives: Guilty people NEVER proclaim their innocence. Facilitating the calculated sexual abuse of minors is one thing, but lying about it is just gross. Further, it is well-documented that liars go to hell, and that’s not a nice place.

Clearly Ghislaine is innocent of all charges in the eyes of the law and she is entitled to that presumption of innocence until found guilty in court by a jury of her peers. Also, she’s totally guilty of all charges.

Ghislaine Maxwell Trivia: Ghislaine Maxwell can’t spell her first name without looking it up either.

And now, the Chicks on the Right explore further theories as to how long Ms. Maxwell has until she inadvertently stabs herself multiple times in the back, places a bag over her head, and chokes the life out of her body via the use of a total stranger’s hands – one who lacks fingerprints.