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In a case study published to the SAGE medical journal last week, doctors shared how a silicone breast implant deflected a bullet away from a 30-year-old woman’s vital organs and saved her life!

The incident, which took place in 2018 in Toronto, Canada, is one of only a handful of instances recorded in medical literature where a breast implant played a pivotal role in saving a patient’s life, and the first recorded instance of a silicone implant doing so, surgeon Giancarlo McEvenue told formerly credible media outlet CNN.

“She was talking — the trauma team was in disbelief at how well she was,” McEvenue said.

“The bullet wound entry was on the left breast, but the rib fracture was on the right side. The bullet entered the skin on the left side first, and then ricocheted across her sternum into the right breast and broke her rib on the right side,” he explained.
“The implant caused the change in the trajectory of the bullet.”
Fun Facts About Breast Enhancements: There are two types of breast implants approved for sale in the United States. They both have a silicone outer shell, but one is saline-filled, and the other is silicone gel-filled. They can vary in size, shell thickness, shell surface texture, and shape, and are typically implanted to increase breast size (90%) or to rebuild breast tissue, such as after a mastectomy or other damage to the breast (10%).
Please Note: Kevlar Breast Implants are currently not available in the U.S. market due to the same kind of bureaucratic bullcrap at the FDA that delayed the development of a Coronavirus vaccine back in early January. Learn from your mistakes, Commissioner Stephen Hahn!  Give the ladies what they want. This could literally save thousands of lives in Chicago every single weekend.
Irresponsible Prediction Rooted in Lack of Journalistic Integrity: “Bullet Proof Boobies” will be available at Brookstone and Sharper Image stores in the early fall. We recommend ladies splurge for LED nipple enhancements to add an element of disco fantasy and fun to the bedroom.
Think of the possibilities and the benefit to makind if we continue to pour taxpayer dollars into “Smart Boob” technology:
  • Nipples that emit essential oils!
  • GPS trackers to reduce frustrating and embarrassing incidents of misplacing your prostitute!
  • Built-in infrared outer temperature gauges to scan your random sexual partner for signs of Coronavirus prior to sessions of “adult cuddling.”
  • Strobe lights!
  • In-nipple personalized logo!
  • Miniature cameras with live-streaming capability!
  • Hell, make ’em do this:

Christopher Reeve Laser Beam Eyes

Join Rob Kendall in calling upon Bill Gates to drop this feel-good vaccine crap and use his billions for a cause that red-blooded Americans can truly get behind!

Also, enjoy Mock and Daisy talking about artificial breast implants in today’s edition of Speedround.

Photo: Courtesy of SAGE Medical Journal