Are you struggling with a middle-class salary in an era in which employers can ill-afford to give you an extra $0.25 per hour in wages? Well, good news for you! The Congressional buffoons in Washington D.C. have now made it possible for you to earn an extraordinary living while sitting on your fat American a**!
Yes, the new $2 trillion stimulus atrocity that was passed Wednesday night includes a historic and horrific expansion of unemployment insurance!
Thanks to the drunken, botox-infused Nancy Pelosi and her dully-elected liberal storm troopers, the federal government will now give jobless workers an extra $600 a week on top of their state benefits for a total of four months as part of the $2 trillion stimulus bill.
Here’s what the economically illiterate Chuck Schumer had to say about bending taxpayers over a barrel: “[The stimulus bill] has unemployment insurance on steroids. But, and most importantly, the federal government will pay your salary, your full salary for now four months.”
Ah, but what if you earn LESS per week than the weekly federal unemployment benefit?
Answer: No worries! You get a raise!
Speaker Pelosi, would you mind passing the booze?