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You know the routine: 

You’re in a Dollar Store, casually browsing the aisles for holiday stocking stuffers. The burrito from lunch begins to take its revenge and you opt to drop a little a** by a display of $.99 can goods.

No biggie, until some nosey shopper with an overly sensitive olfactory function tells you to “keep your personal essence to yourself.”

Being the sensible and methane-filled individual that you are, there’s only one reasonable action you can take in this scenario: pull a knife and threaten to “cut a bitch.”

That’s exactly what a Dania Beach, Florida woman did last week while waiting in line at a Dollar General store, leading to her arrest on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

According to a Broward Sheriff’s Office complaint affidavit, Shanetta Yvette Wilson, 37, was in the checkout line at the Dollar General store on 120 S. Federal Hwy in Dania Beach on Sunday evening. John Walker, the customer standing next to her, got into a verbal dispute “in reference to the defendant farting loudly,” according to the affidavit.

Wilson allegedly pulled a small “lock back knife” from her purse, “opened the knife and told the victim she was going to ‘gut’ him.”

In the end, there’s a lesson in morality that we can all take from the tale of this woman’s pungent rectal emission and the resulting chaos that followed as she granted that beloved air biscuit its freedom: fart if you must, but don’t fart angry.


Click the link below to hear more from Hammer and Nigel in today’s edition of “Legal Stuff.”