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The Governor of Virginia wants the good people of his state to know he is deeply sorry and extraordinarily embarrassed over his decision to attend a high-school Halloween party dressed in a racist costume. It was a boneheaded move, horrendously insensitive, and he will work hard to regain the trust of his constituents.

Furthermore, Governor Northam wants to assure the good people of Virginia that he’s now decided he never attended a high school Halloween party dressed in a racist costume, and he’s not in the picture on Ralph Northam’s year-book page that depicts Ralph Northam dressed in a racist costume and is labeled “Ralph Northam.” 

And also, Ralph Northam wants all you good people – even the black ones – to know that he’s never actually seen the Ralph Northam page of his high school yearbook, which includes multiple photos of Ralph Northam that ARE Ralph Northam – except, of course, for that Ralph Northam photo that actually ISN’T Ralph Northam – even though it probably is – and hasn’t been identified yet, but is definitely NOT Ralph Northam. 

*Editor’s Note: I acknowledge that the above sentence is run-on, but frankly, who are you to judge, you grammar Nazi? 

Anyway, the deal is that Governor Northam isn’t a racist anymore. He’s still in favor of killing babies, of course, but he most definitely does NOT favor killing black babies more than white babies. 

Whew! For a minute there we were concerned that the Governor of Virginia was a piece of crap AND a racist. What a relief!

The Chicks on the Right talk about the totally not racist, Governor Northam in the following clip. Enjoy it with our compliments: