(Brainard/Getty Images)
Erectile dysfunction in elderly men who are deceased is a global crisis, and while rigor mortis in the expired male’s appendage can be an effective treatment for some, the relatively common medical condition is by no means a panacea.
Enter the Bereaved Erotic Dancer: a time-tested cure for the sexually-impaired man who is deceased.
Commonly referred to as “funeral strippers,” these selfless and impressively flexible servants to mankind specialize in exotic dance routines that artfully weave a celebration of life AND fornication into one impressive exhibition of lustful mourning.
Practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine were the first to discover the medical and emotional benefits of bereaved erotic dance. Here is how the practice is described in China’s Global times:
“Scantily clad women in sexy lingerie and revealing clothes showing off their bodies in front an electronic screen displaying a black-and-white headshot of the deceased with text reading “We offer profound condolences for the death of this man” are now a modern part of funerals in some rural areas of China.
The crowd is pushed to climax, roaring with laughter, whistling, applauding and cursing. As the performers saunter into the audience to giggle their breasts and rub men’s crotches, a reminder of “no photographs allowed” can occasionally be heard.”
Sadly, China’s Ministry of Culture announced in January it was launching a new campaign to eliminate bereaved erotic dance at funerals. The communist government has since established a special “hotline” for the public to report any “funeral misdeeds” in exchange for a monetary reward.
This disgraceful decision effectively outlaws the practice of B.E.D. to counter E.D. for the deceased and impotent man desiring to R.I.P.
The Chicks on the Right explore the medical benefits of bereaved exotic dance and the legal complexities of its practice in communist nations in the clip below.
