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We’re heading into one of the hottest Independence Day weekends on record, kids. With temperatures projected to reach the upper 90s and sweltering humidity to boot, no one at your annual family picnic and fireworks extravaganza is going to be reaching for Auntie Bethel’s warm potato salad for refreshment. 

Oh sure, Uncle Louie will bring his usual six-pack of generic brand beer, your sister’s bringing a 2-liter of orange Faygo, and those weird cousins that nobody likes will bring moonshine (the only reason they’re still invited every year), but what about you? What’s your contribution, big shot?

Not sure what to bring this year to set yourself apart? Why not milkshakes? Ah, but not just any milkshakes – ANTIFA milkshakes, made with cruelty-free, quick-drying concrete!

Thanks to the hardworking staff of WIBC host Tony Katz, we’re now able to reveal the closely-guarded secret recipe for this sweet and tasty dessert drink that doubles as a lethal weapon! 

Grab your aprons, your mixing bowl, and your irrational rage as Tony Katz tells you how to prepare a batch of liquified hate that those fascist relatives of yours won’t ever forget!