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Has anyone noticed that we’ve seen an alarmingly sharp increase lately in the number of stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons?

Are Americans getting grosser and dumber, or does it just seem that way because the internet gives the lowest turds of society a public platform from which to demonstrate their stupidity?

Oh sure, there have always been morons in society, but I don’t recall reading anything in my history books about the “Greatest Generation” going around to supermarkets and randomly licking stuff in order to gain social media ‘street cred.’

I’ve been noticing the explosion and rapid expansion of stupid people in society for at least the last two decades, but Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube have really taken things to the next level with the “challenge” tend.

The Cinnamon Challenge: Eat a whole spoonful of cinnamon under 60 seconds without drinking anything.

Number of Estimated Deaths: 2

Chubby Bunny Challenge: How many oversized marshmallows can you fit in your mouth while still being able to say “Chubby Bunny.” This challenge has also been done with other things such as cotton balls.

Number of Choking Deaths: No Data Available.

The Tide Pod Challenge: Bite into a Tide Pod.

Number of Estimated Deaths: 6

The Kylie Lip Challenge:  Participants usually use a shot glass and they create a suction with the shot glass on their lips.

Number of People Who Wound Up Looking Like Kylie: 0

Participants Who Looked Like Idiots: 100{83f7c2244953b4bf01b196ebfaf5450e8f75eee3a4e52ad05b8b652e38f3adb9}

The Salt and Ice Challenge: Participants put salt on their arms and then lay ice cubes on top of them, trying to see who can withstand the pain the longest.

Estimated Number of Children Who Wound Up in the ER: Several HUNDRED.

The Condom Challenge: You drop a water-filled condom onto someone’s head.

Estimated Number of Deaths: 1

The OTHER Condom Challenge: Snort a condom up one nostril and pull it out of your mouth.

Estimated Number of Deaths: 6

And how we have…

The Ice Cream Challenge: Take a video of yourself licking a tub of ice cream in the store and putting it back on the shelf.

Number of Arrests: 2

Maximum Prison Sentence Per Incident: 20 years 

You see the problem? We have an inordinate number of stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons, yet the ratio of challenge participants to participant deaths is extraordinarily unbalanced. In other words, these challenges are HIGHLY ineffective at thinning the herd. We need better challenges, folks.

Meanwhile, if you’re going to randomly contaminate food by participating in “The Ice Cream Challenge,” at least have the courtesy to lick a flavor that nobody likes such as Rum Raisin. 

Actually, lick tubs of Cookie Dough ice cream. My ex-wife loves that one. She shops at the Walmart in Fishers.

The Chicks on the Right address America’s licking craze in the clip below.