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How best to summarize former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski’s testimony Tuesday? How to articulate the feelings of tingly pleasure that are evoked by reviewing the hilarious highlights of Lewandowski’s brilliant effort to frustrate, stonewall, and own the Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee? It’s enormously challenging to bestow upon this treasure trove of testimonial delights an appropriate and accurate label, but “Conservative Pornography” seems fitting enough.

Yes, former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski officially became the first witness to testify in House Democrats’ impeachment probe Tuesday. 

Here’s how the Daily Beast described Tuesday’s Lewandowsky fun show:

Everyone expected Corey Lewandowski’s testimony in front of the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday to be a combative affair. But the fact that the wheels fell off the hearing moments after it started reflected just how utterly painful Republicans want to make Democrats’ newly minted impeachment inquiry.  

Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY) could not get through his questioning of Lewandowski—President Trump’s former campaign manager and a key figure in Robert Mueller’s report—without the witness slow-walking by asking for a copy of the report itself and then asking for instructions on how to find specific passages. 

Then, Rep. Doug Collins (R-GA), the top Republican on the panel, forced two groan-inducing votes on parliamentary procedure, which devolved into gavel-banging and shouting from Democrats and Republicans over Lewandowski’s clock-chewing tactics and Nadler’s move to give himself more time for questioning, respectively. 

Care for a snack of CNN?

Within the first five minutes of Corey Lewandowski’s “testimony” in front of the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday, it became crystal clear what Donald Trump’s former campaign manager was up to: trolling to please his old boss.

You see? Democrats are pissed! It’s a sunshine day!

Democrats and liberal journalists are so disheartened they’re beginning to turn on their own!

From Mediaite:

With the Corey Lewandowski hearing underway today, the House Judiciary Committee Democrats have been getting criticism for not being more effective in their questioning, including on MSNBC.

NBC News correspondent Ken Dilanian told Ali Velshi that “it’s largely been a failure” so far.

“Democrats have been more interested in getting their moment on television of yelling at Corey Lewandowski and making the point and winning the argument rather than patiently questioning him,” said Dilanian.

I just feel so nice today!!

Rep. Jackson Lee’s full questioning of Corey Lewandowski was so pleasurable to observe that my eyes rolled back in my head.

Jolly good fun! 

Ah, but why take my word for it and continue to salivate in anticipation? Click below to join Hammer and Nigel as they guide you through the highest quality highlights from Corey Lewandowski’s testimony. 

Pro Tip: You’re going to desire a cigarette upon the conclusion of the aforementioned listening session.