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(Sung to the tune of “Maniac” by Michael Sembello)

“Just a steel town drunk on a Saturday night,

Going out for the ride of his life.

‘Till the cops see him swerving all over the road.

They all know he’s wasted.


But he can’t stop himself from feeling the beat

As he gets out to walk a straight line.

And the booze helped to loosen his muscles and joints

Look out cops, it’s dancin’ time.


Spreads his legs like a jackknife,

As he’s watched by Barney Fife.

On a chalk line between freedom and jail sodomy.


He’s a dancing drunk, yeah he’s drunk, that’s for sure.

And he’s pulling moves he’s never tried before.

He’s a dancing drunk, hell he’s drunk, that’s for sure.

He can dance, but won’t be driving anymore…”


Police near Detroit, Michigan pulled over a suspected drunk driver last month who proceeded to show off his inner-gymnast during a field sobriety test.

According to arresting officers, when 53-year-old Michael Axelson was asked to run through the FST, he instead opted to prove he was not intoxicated by doing the splits!

Have a look:

Here’s hoping Axelson’s cellmate is a Bob Fosse fan!

Hammer and Nigel will have more on budding gymnast Michael Axelson today from 3pm-7pm on WIBC.