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Wobbling onto a stage in a New York City park last Saturday, Bernie Sanders looked “more ready than ever” — with a little help from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — to lose another bid for the U.S. presidency. 

The rally offered a pointed reminder to rational people in both political parties that the 78-year-old democratic socialist is still very much a delusional distraction in the 2020 presidential race.

Okay, we’re kidding about that last part. There are no rational people on the left, but it seemed like a nice, albeit untruthful thing to say.

For the geriatric Sanders, the event marked a formal return to the campaign trail less than three weeks after he suffered a heart attack – God’s way of telling him to retire. The senator from Vermont received top-notch quality care at a private hospital before taking a few weeks to recover at one of three homes.

Sanders seemed fired up (probably the meds) and ready to ask the more than 20,000 lemmings in attendance a list of rhetorical questions he had prepared. This is a popular tactic that is often utilized by leaders who are representing a political group that’s incapable of rational, independent thoughts and ideas. 

Anyway, Bernie asked a dump-load of questions at his New York rally and we decided to answer them.


“Are you willing to fight for another person as hard as you fight for yourself?

Are you willing to fight for that person that you don’t even know?

Are you willing to fight for young people drowning in student debt, even if you are not?

Are you willing to fight to ensure that every American has healthcare even if you have your own healthcare?

Are you willing to fight for frightened immigrants even if you are native-born?”

All good questions, Bern.

Before offering our reply, it’s important to consider those questions within the context of your political agenda. After all, you folks on the left are consistently reminding us that war and fighting are only okay if they can be done in a peaceful manner that doesn’t violate the physical comfort and emotional harmony of our vicious enemy.

We must dig below the surface and take a sober look at your intentions in the aggregate, as well as the long-term prospects for our country if we fight for the aforementioned list of “Bernie Must-Haves” by pursuing a Bernie methodology for achieving those goals.

Therefore, after giving it tremendous thought and consideration, “No.”

Now we have a question for you, Bern: Are you willing to fight for your right… TO PARTY?

Okay, our turn to ask a question: Does anyone else find it interesting that socialist Bernie Sanders lives in a nicer home than billionaire Warren Buffett? Senator Sanders owns three times the number of homes as Buffett too!