Attention all couples who are expecting a child: GENDER REVEAL PARTIES ARE NOT A COMPETITIVE SPORT! Stop trying to outdo each other! People are dying and getting seriously injured!
Yes, recent history is simply FLOODED with cautionary tales of gender reveal stunts gone wrong.
Just this September, for example, a ‘gender reveal’ incident involving a rainstorm of pink water caused a stunt pilot to crash his plane in Turkey, Texas. The pilot was inexplicably hired to dump roughly 350 gallons of colored water on party attendees. Upon completion of the “stunt,” however, the plane stalled and then crashed.
The pilot and co-pilot survived. The plane did not.
You would assume that just ONE gender reveal “tale of tragedy” would serve as enough of a wake-up call for expectant mommies and daddies to avoid doing something stupid at their own parties. Your assumption would be wrong.
Parents-to-be keep upping the ante at gender reveal parties, and not everyone survives these fun little gatherings. Yes, guests occasionally go home in a pine box.
Take a gander at Hammer and Nigel’s fine selection of “Gender Reveal Stunts Gone Wrong” Favorites:
1. The “Whoops! We unintentionally created a pipe bomb!” incident
A 56-year-old woman was killed in Iowa last October after being hit by debris from an explosion during a “gender reveal” party.
The family had been “experimenting” in the days before the party with “different types of explosive material” and inadvertently created a pipe bomb.
The family placed gunpowder in the bottom of a homemade stand that was welded to a metal plate, drilled a hole in the side for a fuse, placed a piece of wood on top of the gunpowder, and then placed colored powder on top of the wood. The tape was then wrapped over the top of the metal tubing, creating a pipe bomb.
2. The “At Least This Earth-Shattering Ka-Boom Didn’t Kill Anyone” Incident
One day after the Iowa woman’s death was announced, there was another explosion reported in the state that was ultimately tied to a gender reveal party.
No one was harmed as a result of that blast, but the local fire department confirmed the explosion was felt by residents who lived as far as two miles away.
Point to Ponder: Iowa folks seem to LOVE blowing s*** up. Hey! I think I just heard a whisper in an Iowa cornfield…
“If you build it… it will potentially kill you when it ‘splodes…”
3. The “Whoops, I Inadvertently Started a Wildfire” Incident
Arizona border patrol agent Dennis Dickey attempted to reveal his baby’s gender by shooting a “high-velocity firearm” at a target that was supposed to release a blue or pink powder. Unfortunately, the shot caused an explosion that sparked a wildfire that destroyed more than 45,000 acres and cost more than $8 million in damages.
Look, there’s video:
4. The “Jell-O with a Reptile Fellow” Incident
A dad-to-be inexplicably decided to get right up in an alligator’s face, tap its nose, and wrestle it into position for its big “reveal” moment: biting into a watermelon filled with blue Jell-O.
Surprisingly, alcohol was not involved in this incident. Even MORE surprising, no one was hurt or killed.
Look, more video:
Pro Tip: Alligators are deadly predators and should not be considered a playful addition to a family event.
5. The “Air Cannon Ensures You Won’t be Having Additional Children” Incident
A mother and father-to-be opted to utilize an air cannon to reveal the sex of their baby. The cannon successfully fired a shot of blue powder into the air. It also nailed the father-to-be in his testicles.
Look, another video (praise Jesus):
Pro Tip: If you absolutely need to have a gender reveal party, fine. Gather your friends and family, hand them a pink or a blue cupcake and be done with it. It’s unoriginal, yes, but your guests will likely survive the event and go on to lead happy and productive lives.
Point to Ponder: Why are people still having offensive gender reveal parties in 2019 anyway? Everyone knows the gender is undetermined until the child declares on his or her own.
Never forget: assigning gender to your child without his or her consent is violence.
Also, don’t forget to listen to this segment from the Hammer and Nigel Show about the latest gender reveal mishap involving an out-of-control smoke bomb.
This is the picture:
The story is in today’s edition of “Is This Anything?”