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In these complicated yet emancipated American times, society has learned to respect the discipline, focus, and physical talent required to sustain a career in the “get naked for money arts.”

It’s a profession that insists upon the ability to maintain a perfect figure with strict diet and exercise. It demands the confidence to withstand rejection, overcome fear, and project eye-popping stage presence. Above all else, one must be able to twist and turn her body into various unnatural positions while simultaneously resisting the uncontrollable urge to break wind.

And, as we learned in the motion picture extravaganza “Striptease,” not all strippers are sex-crazed drug-addicts who are three steps removed from turning tricks at the Bunny Ranch. In fact, many gals on the pole are working their way through law school.

Others are Sunday school teachers who use the opportunity to evangelize and witness to the spiritually broken who frequent such establishments as “Stimulators,” “Uncle Buford’s Gentlemen’s Club,” and “Hammer and Nigel’s Discount Strippers.”

Still other gals on the pole could be broadcast professionals with a voice for radio and a body for the runway.

In other news, today’s edition of Speedround with the Chicks on the Right featured the shocking revelation that Daisy spent time on a stripper pole in the past, and Mock is going to Las Vegas this weekend for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with gambling or Robby Benson. 

Spoiler alert: We’re NOT KIDDING above the previous paragraph. Everything written is true. Click the link below immediately.