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American citizens and guests to our fine country represent a beautiful rainbow of diversity. We differ in our political beliefs, our various preferences for wholesome entertainment, and the God or universe of our choice that we worship… or don’t worship. No judgment here. If you want to burn in a lake of fire for all of eternity, have at it, heathen.

Yes, we are each a unique and precious creation – not one of us alike. And yet, there is one thing that unites us all. Young or old, male or female, we all enjoy a little company while dropping our daily deuce. 

Despite this universal preference for pooping in public, however, clinical research reveals that three out of four adults do not have an established relationship with an official bowel movement buddy. According to a study by the Scientific Institute of Stinky in Muncie, Indiana, those who eliminate in isolation fear rejection, and thus, are unable or unwilling to make their needs known.

Enter the Hilton Hotel in Fort Wayne, Indiana…

This modestly priced, yet surprisingly sanitary hotel in Northern Indiana recently underwent extensive renovations with an eye on eliminating the awkward feelings that accompany a heartfelt request for a lover, friend, or co-worker to hold your hand and keep you company as you drop your Stanley Steamer.

Their ingenious solution: a toilet so big it prevents the bathroom door from closing. 

God bless Hilton Hotels for their contribution to humanity.

Please enjoy this segment from the Hammer and Nigel show with our compliments: