Listen Live

(Brett Holmes Photography/Getty Images)

You ever had one of those neighbors who is constantly throwing feces at you?

You know the type I’m talking about. He throws his excrement, he crashes your fence with a Roomba, he calls 911 to report you, the non-feces-throwing victim, as a “d*****bag.” 

But enough about Rob Kendall.

Two neighbors in Yukon, Oklahoma got into a disagreement under similar circumstances, and thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, we at the Hammer and Nigel Show are able to provide you access to that glorious audio in its entirety!

But first, a little background, courtesy of CNN:

David Baird said he feared for his family’s lives.

“I told him, ‘If you break through the fence, I’m gonna shoot you.’”

Baird had his gun in hand after his neighbor, John Stafford, allegedly started trying to break down their shared fence with a Roomba vacuum cleaner.

“I was scared for my family,” Baird said.

His wife and kids were huddled inside the house after a 12-hour ordeal with the man next door.

“Threw fecal matter out from his driveway into our yard,” Baird said.

Stafford barricaded himself inside of his home, making several calls to police.

Stafford: “I would like to report a d*****bag.”
911 dispatcher: “Sir, you’d like to report a what?”
Stafford: “A d*****bag.”
911 dispatcher: “Can you speak like an adult, please, and tell me what situation you’re having?”
Stafford: “D-O-U-“
911 dispatcher: “Again, I am going to ask you to tell me the problem you are having.”
Stafford: “B-B-B-B-A-G. D*****bag. Did you hear that?”

There were a total of six 911 calls from him.

911 dispatcher: “Yukon 911, what’s the location of your emergency?”
Stafford: “It’s a d*****bag.”
911 dispatcher: “OK, I’m going to get you back over to Oklahoma City.”
Stafford: “I’m gonna run you guys into the f*****g ground.”
911 dispatcher: “OK, have a nice night.”

Eventually, the SWAT team, the bomb squad and a robot were called out. Baird and the other neighbors stayed up late, capturing it on video.

And now, the glorious 911 audio and associated video:

WIBC’s Hammer and Nigel thought this an opportune time to cover another Great Moment in Calls to Emergency Services.