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Americans absolutely LOVE dogs.

Yes, they shed, they drag their butt across the carpet, and they’re slightly more expensive to maintain than a high-mileage Ferarri.

But still…


Adorable, right?

Granted, some dogs have issues with aggression due to mistreatment or inherent traits in their breed, but those challenges can usually be resolved. And even if a particularly unruly pup opts to maul you to death, at least it’s a natural way to go. I mean, it’s not like dogs are vicious robotic killers with automatic weapons or anything.

Update: Killer Robotic Dogs With Automatic Weapons Now Available!

Meet the future of canine companionship: a robotic dog equipped with a submachine gun.

His owner and creator: We’re not sure, but we know he’s Russian. So that’s very comforting. If there’s anyone we want to have access to this technology, it’s definitely the country that’s actively committing genocide in Ukraine.

Check out this charming video and take note of its primary feature: the ability to shoot multiple stray bullets off at completely random angles.


Again, we’d like to stress that this dog belongs to the RUSSIANS. But fret not! The United States Military has an army of robotic killer dogs too!

And the NYPD has robotic canines to patrol the streets of New York City!

Meanwhile, at Radio Shack…