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Joe Biden: Intellectual giant. Master wordsmith. Mr. President.

As Commander-in-Chief, Brandon knows the world depends upon his innate ability to communicate the complex challenges before our nation in common, everyday language. He must instill confidence and calm in the hearts of weary Americans.

It is this very task that our esteemed President tackles day after day with ninja-like precision. Sit back now and enjoy this exciting presentation of “Joe Biden: Master Orator.”

Masterful. We should all rest easy, but we don’t. Why? Because there is a vicious enemy lurking just around the corner that strikes whenever and wherever he pleases. He is an enemy which even the secret service cannot guard against: old age. (Stairs too, but to a lesser extent).

You see, Joe Biden is quickly approaching his 80th birthday. For a man in his mental condition, that’s like turning 160. Thus, at some point in time, Joe Biden will involuntarily relinquish what little control he has left of his body and go to a far better place – a place where Joe Biden is not the president.

But rest easy, America. For the void created by Joe Biden’s absence will be filled by another…

Indeed, the country will be in competent hands.

Ah, but what if she kicks off as well? Surely it will be mass chaos and the end of our nation, no?

No! Definitely, no. For standing in the wings of the stage of democracy awaits yet another competent leader who will lead our country with dignity while wrangling her dentures in what will inevitably become our final days.

And she shall be known as “President Praying Mantis…”

“Okay,” you exclaim, “but what if she dies too?”

That’s when Fauci comes out of retirement and steps up to the job for the good of the nation.

In the clip below, Kendall and Casey share the news of the world’s foremost authority on gain-of-function research in China stepping down from his post at the end of Biden’s term.