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Alright, enough of this back and forth crap with Elon Musk and Twitter.

“I’m buying Twitter. Actually, I’m not buying Twitter. Wait a tick! I’ve changed my mind! The deal’s back on!”

Enough, good sir! Make a decision. And furthermore, you’re pissing me off.

Look, we’re all very excited about our grandchildren’s grandchildren hopping a flight to Mars someday. And indeed, the idea of fully-autonomous cars becoming a reality is absolutely thrilling…

(Don’t worry. They’re fine.)

Honestly, Elon, I value the preservation of Free Speech in our grand Republic over the privilege of flying to some barren, unpopulated planet where I can’t even get a decent hamburger.

If the goal becomes a devious plan is to ship the entire gaggle of Biden voters and Taylor Swift fans to another planet against their will, I’ll re-evaluate. Until then, let’s get our priorities straight and save the country.

On Thursday, the Washington Post reported that your plan to purchase Twitter is in “serious jeopardy.” The reason: “Musk’s camp concluded that Twitter’s figures on spam accounts are not verifiable.”


Musk’s team has stopped engaging in certain discussions around funding for the $44 billion deal, including with a party named as a likely backer, one of the people said. The people spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the ongoing discussions.

If this is a negotiating ploy, fine. I love a good bargain myself. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I won’t buy a Tesla. But if you weasel out of this deal, you’re doing a great disservice to the country to which you owe so very much of your success.

This is a historic opportunity for you to change the entire digital landscape for the benefit of this country and future generations to come. Do us a solid and write the check.

By the way, did you hear the latest about Abdul’s dog?