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I need a young priest and an old priest.

The family of Rosa Isabel Cespedes Callaca had gathered in the city of Lambayeque to pay their final respects on April 26.

Contact AAA if you’d like to make Lambayeque your next travel destination.

Rosa was involved in a serious crash and pronounced ‘really most sincerely dead’ once they pulled her mangled body from the wreckage.

Despite the ongoing supply-chain shortages of the COVID pandemic, her family located a quality coffin at a reasonable price, stuffed the luxurious interior with Rosa’s body, and began prepping for her funeral.

When her relatives Rosa’s coffin onto their shoulders, they began to hear strange sounds.

Hmm… How bizarre. What could it possibly be?

You guessed it: Rosa’s back!

She was taken to a hospital to recover and remains not dead.

Now here’s the thing: Rosa decided she didn’t want to be dead anymore. That’s all fine and dandy. Her body, her choice.

What is absolutely NOT okay is to change your mind halfway through your own funeral.


First of all, say experts, it is extremely inconsiderate. Friends and family likely spent hundreds of hours planning the ceremony. They spent good money to make it a classy affair. Many of those in attendance traveled long distances to see the show in person rather than catch it on streaming.

Second, there were young children in attendance who are now traumatized by the experience. Many will suffer severe depression as a result and turn to food, illegal substances, and engage in dangerous sexual behavior later in life as a means of coping with the effects of what happened.

Third, rising from the dead establishes an unhealthy precedent, sets unrealistic expectations for other corpses, and places an inordinate amount of pressure on persons who are planning to die permanently that they must reanimate and arise at their own pine box parties.

Bottom line, say experts: “If you’re going to get dead, you have an obligation to follow through with your choice for the sake of your family and friends.”

Meanwhile, contact Rosa’s family if you’re interested in purchasing a gently-used pre-owned casket.