“I hate fame. I hate being famous. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I really hate it,” she said on Instagram in her usual articulate manner. “Let me tell you something: If you ever wish to be rich and famous, don’t wish to be famous. Don’t wish to be famous. Wish to be rich,” said the celebrity who has clearly attained the wisdom of a top-notch life coach.
So why is Cardi B done being famous? And why is she going to stick to her guns on this ‘I’m not famous anymore’ thing with the same level of conviction as a person who swears off social media “forever” and then reactivates their accounts about 36 hours later?
Here’s what happened to this blessed treasure of artistic majesty, Cardi B: The former stripper attended a Met Gala afterparty, told the crowd to have fun, and then made a sniffing gesture like she was snorting coke. Video of the incident went viral and now the poor little pole dancer turned Autotuned singer is getting shamed for the inappropriate joke by her “fans” – a crowd of folks who obviously have the most distinguished taste. That’s why they dig Cardi B’s music, which features tunes that are as refined and classy as a wet, juicy fart at a funeral.
Here are a few more heartwrenching laments about fame from Cardi B’s Instagram video:
“Once I step out, once I start doing anything that has to do with anything that would go on social media, it’s always, always bad. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it. I hate it.”
“Why me? Why me? I feel like God cursed me with fame. Deadass. Dead f**king ass. God really cursed me with fame.”
“If I could click my (expletive) feet three times and go back to (expletive) 2013 when I was just a regular (expletive) dancing and making money every single night, that’s where I want to be.”
Mid-Blog Trivia: 9 out of 10 people with functional hearing would prefer Cardi B would give up music and get back on the pole as well! And take Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez with her as well!
Fun Facts About Cardi B: She loves to smell her own farts.
Let us pray:
“Dear God, please grant Cardi B’s wishes to no longer be famous. Amen.”