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Face Diapers: When worn properly, these magical and convenient fashion accessories offer countless benefits to the downtrodden, increasingly hopeless, and OBEDIENT American citizen.

Quality Advantages Enjoyed By Wearers Include:

  • Evasion of your own smartphone facial recognition software.
  • Option to forgo brushing teeth before venturing into public spaces.
  • Deprivation of oxygen, which aids in suppressing normal brain function, allowing one to more easily endure the reality of a Biden presidency.
  • Protection against unpleasant odors when utilizing public restrooms.
  • Frightening small children – especially babies!

Personal oxygen barriers are readily available in multiple colors and designs with standard, N95, or KN95 filtration. Collect them all!

Wear two at a time! Wear three at a time! Wear as many as possible until you pass out and your ears snap off from the elastic straps!

Masks may or may not be effective at protecting against the COVID-19 virus (the CDC keeps changing its mind), but know this, friend: pre-pandemic, some of the most healthy and vibrant individuals in American history wore masks regularly.

Yes, “Be Like Mike!”

There is one other distinct benefit to shrouding your mug with face camouflage: airline discounts! Well, it’s an idea anyway considering the Biden administration just extended the federal requirement to wear face masks on airplanes. Hammer and Nigel have more details in the clip below!