Pulling your firearm from its holster and shooting multiple rounds at fast-food workers may not result in quicker customer service this holiday season, say experts.
“The long-held belief that shooting at people will get your french fries to you a little quicker just doesn’t prove true when looking at actual, hard data,” a long-time drive-thru enthusiast told the Hammer and Nigel Show Monday. “It’s also untrue that McDonald’s has the best fries,” he added. “Burger Chef had much better fries than McDonald’s, but they’re out of business now.”
Rest in Peace… Burger Chef: 1954-1996
Fight for $15‘ weiners. The whole damn country is going to hell.”
There are also legal consequences to consider when discharging a weapon in response to slow service times, cold french fries, or the ultimate rage-inducing fast-food frustration: a shortage of chicken sandwiches at “Popeye’s.”
Licensed attorney Guy Relford, “the Gun Guy,” told the Hammer and Nigel show Monday that shooting at workers without a valid reason could result in arrest, and there’s no guarantee that Bail Project Indy will get you released while awaiting trial unless you commit a far more heinous act.
Despite the warnings, however, some customers insist on putting “food preparation at gunpoint” to the test.
In early December, An Ohio woman pulled a gun on a Wendy’s drive-thru worker and began shooting erratically because her order took “too long.”
“From our understanding, she was upset with her order,” Euclid Police Chief Scott Meyer told WJW. “She felt it was taking too long and she had some choice words for the staff.”
The Wendy’s manager overheard the angry customer and ordered her to leave. The woman politely complied with his request after retrieving her gun and firing three rounds at him.
Police were unable to confirm earlier reports that the woman initially became enraged after the drive-thru worker greeted her with “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”
Fast-food connoisseurs say the woman might have fared better had she visited the drive-thru of a different establishment.
“I’m just saying, stuff like this don’t happen at Chick-Fil-A,” a militant supporter of the chicken sandwich titan told Hammer and Nigel. “Their line could be stacked 200 cars deep and they’d still get you out with hot food in under three minutes.”
Indeed, Chick-Fil-A insiders say their drive-thru workers are professionally trained to quickly disarm pistol-packing poultry-lovin’ criminals and then lead them to Christ.
An official government mandate specifying how long a fast-food establishment may take in preparing your food has yet to be established by the Biden administration, but Washington insiders say it will likely be included in the President’s “Build Back Better” plan, which is ‘free.’
Pulling Weapons On Fast-Food Workers: Is It Worth The Risk?
Nigel and Attorney Guy Relford discuss the pros and cons of this controversial strategy to encourage drive-thru speed of service in the clip below.
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