Back-end blowouts are a delightful and universal part of the human experience. We might harshly differ on religious views, political matters, and sexual orientation, but on this, we all agree: the pleasure enjoyed upon giving a flatus fizzler its freedom is a feeling like no other.
So steam-press those slacks with a savory sphincter stinker!
Play that O-ring oboe!
Get a little insane with the methane!
But you mustn’t fire a fecal fume while lying on your mattress unless you are wearing proper bedtime attire, preferably crafted from a flame retardant material.
A doctor on TikTok has issued an urgent warning against sleeping in the nude.
The reason? A high probability of sharting your sheets.
Scientific studies – probably funded by American taxpayers – show that the average person performs an extraordinary number of tushy ticklers while sleeping. Those studies also conclusively prove that every beloved bottom burp contains a trace amount of fecal matter.
Simply put: When you rip your rump with a mighty rectal roar while nude, you’re literally crapping the bed.
Hammer and Nigel have more details on this important health warning.