Something about a relaxing ride on a New York subway train simply sets the body and spirit at ease.
Perhaps it’s the motion of the subway car rocking from side to side, which stimulates the core memories of your beloved mummy – God rest her soul – as she rocked you to sleep as a weary toddler.
Perhaps it’s the cuddly warmth to your body and the sense of community as you sit crammed shoulder to shoulder – sometimes bottom to face – with your fellow man whose name you don’t know and whose noxious scent you can’t quite place? Is it body odor or a decaying bologna sandwich snuggled deep in his drawers? Only his undies know for sure.
Perhaps it’s the opportunity to freely commune with nature as a portly rodent of unknown origin hops in your lap for a kiss and a cuddle. “We are all God’s creatures,” you think to yourself as the rat playfully gnaws at your flesh, “and we all have a purpose in His kingdom.”
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Yes, a refreshing and peaceful ride on New York’s revered public transit system floods the brain with oxytocin and places the spirit in a state of unbridled euphoria.
And in those moments of Heavenly peace, it is absolutely crucial to your wellbeing that you rid the body of those unhealthy joy-suppressing toxins you clench deep in your bowels. As the most honorable spiritual guru of our time, “Elsa of Arendelle” once said: “Let it go!”
And so you do, friend…
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And that courageous, uninhibited pantless action performed in full view of others is the birth of a post-pandemic revolution…
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Yes, Public Transit Pooping, or PTP, is all the rage in New York City these days.
According to the New York Daily News, 2021’s unprecedented rise in soiled train cars is not just limited to feces either! As it turns out, vomit and even blood are considered suitable alternatives for those individuals who struggle with “letting go” in public.
“At least 67 No. 4 trains from January through May were reported to have ‘soiled cars,'” reported the Daily News. “The No. 6 — which runs locally on the same route in Manhattan where the No. 4 runs express — saw 66 soiled car reports, while the No. 2 train saw 57.”
Look out, San Francisco! New York City is coming for your crown!
Hammer and Nigel will have more details on this exciting trend in New York and how you can participate today from 3 pm – 7 pm on WIBC – where former Vice President Mike Pence once proudly worked.
