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You know, you just can’t beat the nice folks at the almighty church of the CDC for encouraging, feel-good news.

Last Thursday, the scientific gurus at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention – the experts who encourage average folks to inject exciting and snazzy vaccines into their veins – shared a delightful discovery: males under the age of 30 may face heart complications after getting themselves fully juiced with one of the Coronavirus vaccines.

Tom Shimabukuro, deputy director of the CDC’s Immunization Safety Office, shared the news with inoculation enthusiasts during a Food and Drug Administration advisory group, according to NBC News.

According to The Hill, “The agency is investigating 226 cases of myocarditis, the inflammation of the myocardium in the heart, and pericarditis, the inflammation of the pericardium, among young, vaccinated men.”

Hey, what about women? Women are people too, you know!

Fun Fact: Myocarditis following vaccination tends to skew younger, with its victims being teenagers and men in their early 20s.

So it sounds like the key to protecting yourself is to get the vaccine after your 30th birthday. Also, you might want to transition to female as well – at least until you know you’re in the clear. Don’t worry, it’s much easier to change genders than it used to be. Just ask Rob Kendall.

Don’t Panic: Most cases of myocarditis can be treated with anti-inflammatory drugs, such as ibuprofen, and in some cases, IVIG, an intravenous medication. In other words, just because you got the vaccine doesn’t mean they’re going to be powdering you up for a pine box party anytime soon – unless you got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, in which case, you’re screwed.

Please Note: The vaccine is perfectly safe, according to the CDC – even the one from Johnson & Johnson.

By the way, we may have a new player in the vaccine game! Novavax has completed its phase 3 clinical trials, which will be reviewed by the FDA, after which, the company will be able to request emergency approval for distribution.

Hammer and Nigel have all the details in today’s edition of “Vaccine Stuff!”