It began like any other ordinary day in America for a common man named “Nate.” He had no idea that by suppertime that evening, he would be hailed as a national hero.
Nate Jagielski spends his days as an electric lineman working for Idaho Falls Power. The pay is good, the benefits decent, and unlike other servants to humanity such as police officers or meter maids, Nate rarely receives death threats from the general public.
Of course, that’s not to say that his position with IFP doesn’t pose the occasional risk to Nate’s safety. For example, Nate frequently encounters feral felines at the most emotionally distressing times in their lives. And a cat on a bad day with nothing to lose can turn that selfie-perfect face of yours to hamburger meat in two seconds if you push him too far.
Scientists claim that American housecats are genetically vulnerable to bouts of severe depression, prompting them to climb their trees and telephone poles to amazing heights in the hopes of jumping to their death.
That’s when Nate Jagielski, American hero, springs into action:
Another life saved by a soft-spoken hero with no fear of heights.
This animal was fortunate indeed. We’ve seen these things go another way on far too many occasions.
Nate has yet to confirm rumors that he has received an official invitation to visit the White House to recount his harrowing experience (and perhaps offer the Bidens some tips on how to deal with their dog, “Major,” a prolific and famed biter of American diplomats).